to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
