i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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