woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
