It's Friday. Sex?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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