I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
