I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
