My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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