I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
