Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
