fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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