is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
