So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
