if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
