Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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