Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
