I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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