i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
