people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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