We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
