I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
