Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
