I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize