i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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