i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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