quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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