I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
