Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
