i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
