I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
