I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
