Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
