Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
