So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
