Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
