If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my shit smells like andre
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
