i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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