i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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