He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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