Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
