Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
