it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
