I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
