Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
