I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
