i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
