Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
