the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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