I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
