Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My penis needs a shock collar
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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