Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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