Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
