Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
