There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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