My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
