Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
