Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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