i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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