Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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