My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
