btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
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You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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