i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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