Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
