Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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