Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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