I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
