Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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