Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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