i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
