After last night, I could never be a politician.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
