I should be sponsored by Trojan
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
