I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
