sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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