Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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