yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
