you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
