What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
