I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
