he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
