Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
