I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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