A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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