did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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