We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
